A SEMESTER IN TURKEY

I remember when I received the confirmation for my exchange semester. It was sometime around in august 2019. I was supposed to depart on 25th of January 2020, which I did. It was a surreal feeling yet daunting. “A semester in turkey?” my mind went. I could not believe it was happening. On the morning of the 25th, as the plane lurched into the sky like a roller coaster, it felt like the rug was pulled beneath my feet, I was falling. And it finally registered in my brain that I was leaving the comfort of my home, family, country and all the things that made my life meaningful. The air got trapped in my lungs and a tear drop rolled down my eye as the landscape outside the window got smaller and smaller, until a coast line appeared, and we launched into the open sky. I saw my homeland fade away and my heart uttered a prayer. As a toddler calls out to its mother, I longed to rush back into my city's arms. I called out to Allah that may this not be the last time I see my homeland and I return safely a few months later. I prayed for His protection and guidance for me and my family. All the while I hid my tears as I stared out the window, watching the coast line fade away. I wiped my tears, while I hid my face in the halo of my hair and braced for the journey ahead that I knew I had to brave alone. I know what you are thinking, “Can this chick get any more dramatic?”. Well “I’d say ---- you can use your imagination” I was going to a place where I’d have no friends, no immediate emotional support, a city I didn’t know, people I have never known and a culture entirely alien to me. I was apprehensive.

When you imagine turkey, you think about Ayesha Gul, Fatima Gul, and Ishq-e-Mamnoon kind of dramas. I wouldn’t say that they are entirely accurate but there are some similarities in how the Turkish people live. My introduction to Ankara was a surprise. Because it was freezing when I landed, but the people who were receiving me were very nice. Bakhtiyar Bey and his wife are amazing people and I’m thankful I got to meet them. They dropped me off to my university dorms and here my journey began. Ankara is a formal and modern city. It has an abundance of important government offices. It is not “touristy” like Istanbul. It was planned and made carefully. And if I could commend one thing it would be its amazing public transportation system. I’m a person who prefers driving. But Ankara changed my mind. The university has a private bus system for its students. It has around 5 stops that go to the city Centre, malls, bus station, train station, food streets etc. Besides that, they have public metro buses, dolmus (dolmush – a kind of small bus), and of course an underground metro station that spans the length of the city. Students can buy a card for these services and they cost around 3-4 liras per trip. And for a person who does not like walking so much, I came to appreciate it.

My first taste of Turkish culture began with the commencement of my classes. Students at Bilkent University are either very rich or very smart. I got to meet and made friends with super talented people. The atmosphere was unlike I had ever experienced. There were no judgmental looks or comments. Nobody cared what one wore or did. Neither the school nor the management. The university has designated spots throughout the campus for smoking in yellow lines. I appreciate they recognize this as an addiction and are taking measures to try and prohibit it to the best of their abilities. I appreciate the dress code policies. Basically, there are none. And I love that. It leaves room for expression and exploration. I had the opportunity to explore what I wanted to wear. I have worn shirts above the knee and below the knee (some people going “haye haye” – you know who will not be named). Nobody cares about one’s sense of fashion but they do appreciate a good one. And I love that. That does not mean people hang around the campus or in the country half naked. They dress elegantly. Sometimes very bold choices and sometimes weird combinations like a dhoti and a Hawaiian shirt. No, I do not have a picture; you will just have to believe me.

I know what you are thinking, “When is this chick going to come to the good part? What about the clubs and bars and the drinking scene *wink wink*?”. Well I do not know if it is going to be as glamorous as depicted in western movies. To all the people who are going HARAAM HARAAM HARAAM, “Take a deep breath and please pause” there is a thing called “free will”. I have friends who drink and who have been here for a year, who still don’t. That does not make them alcoholics or junkies. And that does not make them any less of a good or kind human being. It is a personal choice. We should respect it. And it made me realize one thing, people who have a strong belief will not accept a drink even if it is free and offered to them in a gold goblet. And I believe, that having legal bars and clubs lessens the rebellious reactions of people. They are more controlled and consume responsibly. I can guess what you are thinking “my kids/student/people I know, do not drink or do drugs”. It is alright, they might not. It depends on the upbringing and the household environment. But do not kid yourself, if you do not know that drinking, drugs and what not does happen in universities and colleges in Pakistan. You are simply ignorant. There are things that do happen behind closed doors. To say otherwise would be illegal. If it was legal, we would have a clearer picture of what is actually going on and a better picture of who people are as a person. Just remember, a rubber band stretched for too long, rebounds back harder. People find ways to cheat the system. If it is not done on the surface, does not mean it is not being done. And “No”, that is the answer to your question if I drank or tried a drink, believe me or not. I just felt no compulsion to do it. But I do know it does not taste good. Because one does not drink it for the taste.

Did I like going to the bar? Yes, and no. I loved the dancing part. That was an experience. One I would gladly repeat with the right people. It was fun! Sue me. But my clothes and I smelled like I smoked 20 cigarettes, a smell that was a pain to get out of coat and my hair because it has to be aired out or washed. But hey, the experience was super fun. Especially when you are sober in a group of drunk people, that is when an evening gets interesting. Nothing bad happens, they either get hyper, super funny or super sad or a mixed combination. Either way, it is amusing and entertaining. But in the end I advise responsible consumption.

While I was travelling in Cappadocia, I attended a Turkish dance night. I heard crazy reviews how good it was. It actually was. During dinner, people are entertained by traditional Turkish dances by professional dancers and during intervals, the audience is invited to dance with them. I met a gorgeous Turkish girl, who I assumed was around my age, she was not. She is married and has two beautiful daughters, and I danced a good part of the night with her, her best friend, her spouse and her group. I also met a Turkish guy, Resul. He was a good partner to dance with. It was a different culture, I let go and I enjoyed. They asked me where I was from and I really appreciated it. They said in their broken English “Turkey and Pakistan brothers, friends. Arkadash”. They asked to exchange numbers and Instagram IDs to keep in touch and we took pictures together.

Wherever I travelled, Turkish people loved that I was Pakistani, and gave such a warm welcome. I remember attending an introductory seminar at Bilkent, a lady came up to me who knew I was a Pakistani and asked me “is it really true that parents push children to become engineers and doctors?” I laughed at the stereotype. I answered yes. Because it is true. I also found out that she loved Bollywood movies. She mentioned Amir khan and Shahrukh Khan. And something that is true for most local Turkish citizens, they like Bollywood movies. And by the way, she had watched 3 idiots and we discussed that movie. She appreciated that Pakistanis students are very smart and almost all of them are toppers and scholarship holders in engineering and other programs at Bilkent. The tea break was an hour long and she sat and talked with me the entire while. Internationally, as a Pakistani we do not get much respect, but I was touched that here we do. And I must mention that two weeks into my journey, I had started falling for the people here and in the following eight weeks I would fall in love with country itself, when I would start visiting the neighboring cities. I visited Konya and delved into the Sufi and religious atmosphere of the place, hosted by a dear friend Ahmet Can. Admired the magical land of kappadokya and its otherworldly structures. Had a relaxing vacation on the beach in Alacati and spent a day by the pier in Izmir. And my favorite, visited a city touched by Greek history, in Seljuk. I can go on and on. Each city holds a story and immense appeal. Because each city also holds memories of the people I travelled with. These places had unknowingly become familiar because of the company. And it was not long, by the slip of the tongue I had started to call this place home and mine. Because this place will always have a piece of my heart, and the people there keep a piece of mine in theirs. And that’s the beauty of the friendships I discovered on those shores.

Today, as I write this piece, I am reminded it is 2:00 am and I have done my laundry and cooking, finished my assignments and binged on the 4th season of le casa de papal, and feel in control of my day, of myself and who I am as a person. There were very bad days in the beginning. I used to cry when I called home and random times because I was homesick and missed my family. But, today I do miss them, but I have also found anchors that have grounded me here and a part of me does not want to leave. And I am positive that this place will always have a piece of my heart, always. I discovered layers within myself and grew as a person. Faced a lot of challenges alone and learned how to overcome them alone and with the support of the friends I made here, who I will always remember. In my dorms, there is no sense of timings or schedule. We make our own, we set our boundaries. Right and wrong become subjective terms. That does not mean we are wasteful or sinners. We just set priorities and make time for things and people that matter. Being further away from things, puts those things in perspective. And it has put a lot of things in perspective for me and has changed a lot of perceptions for the better. And I cannot put a lot of things back in the box that I was in when I boarded that plane. And I am glad for it. I was quite apprehensive in the beginning. But on the other hand, I didn’t know that people that I would eventually meet and places that I was going to visit would be waiting for me with a warm smile and welcoming arms. And I am also utterly grateful.

The journey has not ended yet. I am safe and well, looking forward to my next adventure.

Teşekkür ederiz. Görüşürüz. (Thank you and goodbye).

Written By Ishma Ghazanfar