Dowry is a word every Asian girl is aware of, perhaps from the time when she was in her cradle. We all know that in our house we are not allowed to touch the crockery that resides in that particular shelf because it belongs to “mom’s dowry”, isn’t it? We all hear these statements from our mother when she buys some elegant jewelry or some expensive tea set….” this will go straight to the pile of other savings she has been doing since your birth and will give these to you when you’ll get married.”
Dowry has two types: one, mandatory dowry, which is demanded. And the other discretionary dowry, given as a gift to the bride by her family. Unfortunately, Pakistan is still practicing the illegal demanding dowry system and people see it as a way to strengthen the marriage, or say solidify their girl’s position in the groom’s family. There are anti-dowry laws in Pakistan which make demanding dowry and public displaying of lavish gifts illegal before or after the wedding. However, all the dowry laws of 1967, 1976 and 1998, as well as Family Court Act of 1964 seem to be unenforceable up till now. And all thanks to our scholars who somehow drag Islam in this matter, and advocate that making dowry illegal is against Islamic values and of course, who cares if this is a matter of life and death in some areas, right?
The practice of dowry is a pressure on poor families. In many rural areas, it is apparent that fathers are reluctant to spend money on their daughter’s education, as they see it as a waste of time and money. Instead, they try to save that money for the dowry. The tragedy is, the fact goes neglected that “Education can bring the daughter more happiness and independency, that no dowry can”.
The dowry system has its way of devastating the society, every day a girl’s father suffers from some amount of anxiety, depression upon hearing the news about some girl being killed or burnt alive by her in-laws because her father couldn’t afford to give the groom the luxuries. In Pakistan, dowry-deaths show an increasing trend. Data shows a whopping 2000 dowry related death per year. According to some publishing officials the number of dowry-deaths is not being recorded correctly and the fear is, that there are more…
The culture of dowry has promoted nothing but produced domestic violence, physical torture and abuse, psychological problems, divorce and deaths. Even if you see the picture from any other angle, there is no positive impact of dowry, is there? Demanding dowry itself is an act of objectifying women with a price tag. It is the very reason, people in rural areas still don’t want to hear the news that they are expecting a girl.
Furthermore, if we turn the tables, and see the other side; Discretionary dowry, where a bride’s family is giving her gifts by their own will, but the real question is, why? They could have used those savings to buy themselves comfort but no, they chose to save it and now give it all to the daughter, and that’s where the sentence “what will the people say?” enters. They know; even if the groom’s side doesn’t demand it, we have to give it because society matters!!!
Unfortunately, it will take a lot of time to for us to accept the fact that dowry should be banned in our society and it has nothing to do with religion. We can still give our daughters basic necessities but, only if we can afford to.
Written By Shanza Rehman
Comments